know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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