im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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