i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
