im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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