"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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