Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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