No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Well I just put wine in my tea
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
