I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
