I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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