please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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