Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I am in a vortex of obligation.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
