My underwear smells like fireworks.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
