I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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