Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
So many bounce houses so little time
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
