she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
