Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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