I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
