walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
