i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
