when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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