i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
