Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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