My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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