I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
