I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
