I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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