it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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