Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
