Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
