My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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