After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
