did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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