enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
