help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
