I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
