..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
