Cold hands, warm shart.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
