I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
