I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
