pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
it's like iHOP with fire
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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