They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
