i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
