The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
