Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
