In the future we'll all be gay
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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