i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
