I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
