the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
