new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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