YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
