just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
