He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I licked your asshole in confidence.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
