i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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