I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
