is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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