i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
