I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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