I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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